The Science of Being Seen: Why Your Presence Might Be the Most Spiritual Thing You Offer Your Child

How a grueling newborn season—and the research behind it—revealed something deeper about parenting, formation, and the God who slows down.

Why Modern Parents Are Overwhelmed by Pressure and Perfectionism

We’re drowning in parenting advice.

Gentle discipline. Montessori toys. Attachment. Authoritative. Faith-based. Child-led. Screen-free. Biblically grounded. Evidence-based. Trauma-informed.

If you’ve ever stood in a fog of information—desperate to do right by your child—you’re not alone.

But here’s something I didn’t expect to learn through years of parenting, study, and reflection:

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer your child is not a strategy.
It’s your quiet, steady presence.

The Parenting Moment That Taught Me the Power of Eye Contact and Presence

After a difficult birth, my youngest daughter came into the world underweight, fussy, and unable to nurse well. We were introduced to “triple feeding”—a relentless cycle where you nurse, then supplement with a bottle, then pump. It takes nearly two hours. And you’re supposed to start again thirty minutes later.

Add to that a baby who rarely slept and often screamed—and you get a picture of the exhaustion I was swimming in.

In desperation, I tried everything to soothe her. Then one day, I tried something simple:

I laid on the bed with her, looked directly into her eyes, and talked to her like she understood every word. Not baby talk. Just my real voice. Ten minutes, maybe fifteen.

And something happened.

This child who never seemed content… was calm. For hours.

So I did it again. The next day. And the next.
I didn’t know it then, but I was doing something far more powerful than soothing.
I was helping her form—and be formed—through presence.

Neuroscience Behind Parenting: How Presence Rewires the Brain

What I stumbled into intuitively is now backed by science.

Neuroscientists call it “neurosynchrony”—a state where two brains begin to sync during moments of shared focus and emotional attunement. When a caregiver makes warm eye contact, slows their body, and becomes fully present, it literally shapes the child’s developing brain.

Dr. Dan Siegel refers to this as “mindsight”—the parent’s ability to sense and respond to a child’s inner world. This presence builds the child’s emotional regulation, empathy, and ability to connect deeply with others. It becomes the foundation for secure attachment—and eventually, mature faith.

And it all begins with just… showing up. Fully.

Presence as a Spiritual Discipline in Christian Parenting

Margaret Guenther, in her beautiful reflection Raising Contemplatives in a Time-Pressed Society, reminds us:

“What children need is not a spiritual agenda imposed on them. What they need is a parent who listens. Who is curious. Who sees the holy in them.”

Presence isn’t only good parenting.
It’s a spiritual discipline.

When we are present with our children, we teach them—without words—that they are worth our time. That they are not a problem to be fixed. That they are seen. Known. Loved.

And in those moments, we become mirrors of God’s attentiveness.

The Spiritual Impact of Teaching Children to Slow Down and Notice God

Children who experience presence don’t just feel emotionally safe.
They learn something far deeper:

• How to listen well.
• How to slow down.
• How to notice God in the small things.

They grow up with a kind of holy attentiveness—a way of being in the world that is open to mystery, receptive to love, and grounded in quiet awareness.

Presence builds contemplatives.
Presence builds spiritually attuned humans.

And it starts in our living rooms, our bedsides, our minivans.

How to Practice Presence in Everyday Parenting (Even When You’re Busy)

Here’s one small shift to try this week:

Set aside 10 minutes each day to be fully present with your child.
No agenda. No teaching. No multitasking.
Just eye contact. Curiosity. And quiet togetherness.

This might look like laying on the floor. Watching the wind through a window. Sitting beside them as they draw.

Whatever it is—make it unhurried. And sacred.

Parenting with Presence: A New Path Forward

You don’t need to add more to your parenting.
You don’t need to perform.

You simply need to be—fully, gently, honestly—with the child God has entrusted to you.

And in that stillness?
Formation is already happening.

About the Author
Julie Ann Luse is a writer, podcast host, spiritual director-in-training, and the Children’s Ministry Director at CityLight Lincoln Church. She holds a master’s degree in Christian Spiritual Formation with an emphasis in children’s spirituality and relational neuroscience. As the voice behind the Parent Forward Podcast, she helps parents see the sacred in the chaos and discover how family life can shape us into the likeness of Christ—one faithful step at a time.

✨ Want to go deeper?

Listen to Episode 2 of the Parent Forward Podcast:
Parenting from Presence, Not Pressure
Follow along on Instagram: @parentforwardpodcast